The people around me....

I am forever grateful.... You see, I am surrounded by beautiful people. The definition of beautiful is quite relative, but this has nothing to do with the physical.
So, what made me realize that? Well, this week was one of those, where you wonder if you have it in you for the task at hand.. When you dared to look at the bigger picture and oh my! The big picture stared right back, seemingly through you. It feels like you are being weighed. That is exactly what happened... I weighed myself against the big picture, and the result? I felt totally inadequate. It did not help that I received some "not so good" results during the course of the week, which to be honest, I have been searching for the reason as to why.
I surprised myself today. I have been training myself to accept criticism, so I tried to be open minded. But because those results hurt deep, I could not get past it. But today, I gave myself a pep talk... I won't quote, since people will be shocked at what goes through my mind (maybe I would tell you if I met you in person), but it all comes down to these things happen, so come on, get back to running the race. It happened, it already did and you are not going to change it. So aim to do better next time. :)
So back to the beautiful people, these special two people knew what was running through my mind and strengthened me.... Let me know that this journey is like that. A journey of painful growing up. People who allow you to see their struggles and let you know, it is human. People who take your crap and reach out and say, "I totally understand", not as a cliche, but because they do. And I love these people.

Continue running....

One of those days... yeah, it hit again. I am at one of those spots in this life, where you look at something with desperation and the tears can't help but well up in your eyes.. I tried to suppress as usual but you know, I remembered, sometimes it is ok to cry. Crying will not solve anything, but you often find the strength to continue after the tears. And that is what happened today.
Today I looked at my a certain part of my work, and I was just thinking, hopelessness... Whatever inspired to get into these waters of postgraduate engineering, I do not know. At the end of each day, people ask, how was your day? And you spare them the details, just smile and say it was good... like all is well... only one or two people know that underneath that smile, behind these spectacles, someone is wondering what the flip is going on...
Anyway, the tide turned... I let myself cry, picked myself up again, and I continue on this road... fighting off the negatives and tripping stones..... Believing that God and smart hard work will get me out alive.. Of course, it is not easy, it is sometimes hard to keep the focus, and I lose it, so many times.. like today... but the only way I will get through is by keeping up the focus.... I continue running.... :)

Random as it comes:

Hhhhm, what to write I don't know... All I know is that this is a first, finally.... a blog post. So, let me encounter my fears and blocks, head on, in this blog... you know those times when you have a lot to say? But all you can do is dodge the paper? I do that lots of times. Until today, a dear one reminded me that I actually have a blog.. Yeah, the ones who truly love you will always encourage you to start what you would never have done. Thus, the journey begins.........